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Phase One Porch Makeover

Wow, Amy. What a quirky, amusing post title. You must be a professional writer!

(I just wanted it to jump out at anyone looking to “up” their porch potential.)

We’re gonna backtrack a little… if you’re not new here, please bear with me.

Ahem… This is how our porch originally looked.

Serious curb appeal issues.

So, we started by pulling all the weeds & planting a flower bed…

Then we built a gate…

Hi, Lucy ๐Ÿ™‚

These two simple upgrades have already paid for themselves. We use our porch constantly now. Lucy loves being able to hang out there — before her only outdoor-lounging options involved a stake & lead combo. Not awesome. She’s a hound dog. She was born to sleep on a porch. And we’re thrilled to finally have “done right by her” ๐Ÿ™‚

Also, thanks to Wifi and summer breezes, I can let Sonia go crazy on the floorboards with sidewalk chalk while I work unfettered by worries about her tumbling down the steps. (Although I don’t get a lot done, as my artistic input/praise is frequently required…)

AND, we now have a nice place to accommodate smokers. (Keep it to yourself, Dr. Phil. Smoking happens and we believe in being good hosts.)

The flower bed has also helped to make our porch a great kick-it spot. It’s so nice to look down upon bowls full of begonias and delicate Morning Glory vines than it was to peep an overgrown weed patch.

I love having my morning coffee while strolling the porch, watering a potted herb there and repositioning a climbing vine there… so Zen.

But, as much as the improvements please me, (You may kiss my ring now.) I’m troubled by the state of the steps:

And chagrined by my own slackery in regard to touching up the floorboards after my We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Dropcloth episode.

That was actually intentional. Past Amy thought it would be motivational to mess up the floorboards. I hate Past Amy. That bitch is always screwing me.

So, before we address issues like our horrid mailbox:

Or the tacky, mismatched patching our “handyman” bestowed whilst “fixing” our doorbell…

Or the excruciatingly boring light fixture:

And embarrassingly primitive address plaque.

Before we can add a little camouflage to our water-damaged ceiling:

Or freshen up the patio furniture:

Like these great storage shelves…

And this awesome wicker table & chair set…

We need to clear the whole porch, wash the floorboards and lay down a fresh layer of paint.

We’re also going to do a cool trick on the porch steps involving play sand. Ooooooh… mysterious.

We also need to come up with a clever solution to the WAAAAYY too open look of our front steps. (I’m going back & forth on a couple of options.)

We’re definitely going to paint the steps the same color as the gate. Ditto for the floorboards of the main porch.

I am, however, intrigued by the idea of a two-toned treatment on the framed lattice behind the flower bed.

So I hate the two-toned look for furniture, but like it on architectural elements.

Schitzo or complex? I say… schitzoplex.

But how shall we go about it? Extend the redwood color all the way down the ivy-covered facing board, leave the lattice frame orange and paint the lattice to match the porch? That was our first thought, and would look good, but might be difficult, because our flowers have really filled in & there’s Nasturnium and Morning Glory (and more ivy) climbing the lattice…

So maybe we just paint the floorboards the redwood color and leave the facing board orange. Then paint the frame around the lattice with the redwood color, leaving the lattice itself orange?

I just dunno. We’ll have to see how it plays out.

So that’s our plan for the next couple of days. Clear the porch, wash the porch, paint the porch.

The project will probably take a few days, since there’s a lot of schlepping & prepping involved, plus plenty of “drying downtime.” But if this is anything like every other project we’ve ever done, hilarity is bound to ensue. Trust me, I’ll let’cha in on it ๐Ÿ™‚

NEXT POST: WHO KNOWS?!?!? (CRAZINESS LIKELY.)

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